Work as usual even on Independence Day. Pam and I went over to Barb's to clean, and to learn the VBS material with the guys for Operation Saturation next week. See, while the girls’ summer camping program is going on out at camp, guys and fulltime staff left in Philly carry on a city summer program.

I mopped the floors in the hallways and the stairs from the third floor down. Ronnie came out of his room, saw the wet floor, stopped, and said, "Thanks a lot, Jeanne!" in a grouchy voice.

"Just walk over it!" I said.

"How'm I gonna walk over that?" he retorted. I shrugged and said, "Everybody else has!"

"My name ain't that long," was his comeback.

His reaction to my letter or question was rather strange He came up behind me, blew softly on my neck and then came around in front.

"Hey, did you get my letter?" I asked eagerly. He turned around abruptly and headed for the door. I don't know how to interpret that but I guess it's not too optimistic. Oh, well, creativity doesn't always succeed but it just seems like with this kid I never can win! But I committed it to the Lord's hands. Ronnie does have a job at 13th and Parrish at an auto shop, from 8:00 to 5:00. I was combing out plaits today (that's fun) when I realized he's taller than I am!

I said, "You're taller than I am! When'd that happen?"

He commented, "People don't stay the same size forever."

Barb asked me about my plans for the fall. See, I her I was only going to stay at Teen Haven for a year. I've got to decide on that soon!

I don't know. It seems like I've been so worried about what happened with Stan, I just haven't been able to get my mind and enthusiasm on the job of serving the Lord. That's no good.

I still am dissatisfied for as long as I can remember I've had this need to have somebody to love that would really love me and let me share their life in some kind of relationship. A lot of that was met with Ronnie. But it often seemed like the need to be loved, spent time with, got in the way of loving, and counseling and later the stupid sex temptation to cope with put on an additional strain. But, anyway, my heart was hungry for something like that and I thought I was giving. Even then I wasn't completely happy because I knew that it wasn't a permanent set up, and that for Ronnie it was something peripheral, not something basic like between him and Barb. The ties weren't equal. See! What right did I have to ask him to meet that need? Oh, well,.

Stan, if you wouldn't have been so greedy and been more patient and slow and understanding. But I didn't really share in your life. I just saw you five or six times, and you want to make out with me. What kind of relationship is that? If you'd spent time with me, shared experiences with me and just touched me gently and peripherally for a long time. Maybe there just wasn't anything to share. But the experience wouldn't have been such a put down for each of us Saturday.

I feel like a little girl that's been longingly looking at something beautiful in a store window for all her life and the answer is always "NO." The closest she ever got was a cheap imitation (on Saturday) and that just wasn't it!

Yes Barb said that Frostie had taken some tools from the man downstairs and that Jo Jo's mother has put him out. Barb is really afraid that he's headed for jail.