To Ronnie, My Kid Brother

How hard it is for you to be fifteen--half a child and half a man. To experience the longings and desires of mature manhood in sharp, intense moments, only to be put down because of your youth, your unrealism and idealism, and your own child interests still tugging at your sleeves. I remember the time you said to me so vigorously, "I want to get married so bad!" You almost had me believing you--until you added, "But only for a few months, and then I want to play the field again."

Oh, Ronnie...

Rare moments when a longing to relate on a mature level reveals itself--feelings and emotions that run deep and grip entirely, but then pass because there isn't yet enough soil of experience and wisdom built up by passing years for them to strike root. Moments when you've looked at me with longing in your brown eyes--eyes that always seem to show me a glimpse into your soul--when you aren't on the defensive. I sat on my bed one night doing up my hair. You came into my room, and sat down on the bed to watch me--you always came into my room to talk and pester me. And I love it. But this time your glance kept dropping to my chest, where my breasts were well hidden under a flannel robe. I noted but gave no sign that I saw…and the moment passed.

There was another time too--one night as I stood all grubby over a hot stove, you came into the kitchen and briefly stood close to me to say good-bye (you were spending the night at a friend's) and kissed me lightly on the cheek. I thought then, “Little one, some day you'll make some lucky girl a beautiful husband--but in time, in time..." You acted like you didn’t want to leave. As I was eating, you came up behind me and put your arms around my shoulders--a little too low to suit me--as if you had no power to let go. I felt your heart pumping vigorously next to my shoulder, and I slid you off into the chair next to me. You just sat there watching me eat, and asked, suddenly, "Jeanne--when are you going to have kids?"

"When I get married of course," I answered.

You asked gently, "Why wait that long?"

At fifteen it seems so long to have to wait. You think you're ready now, I know. But I explained that God had a plan for families--and that was marriage, so that children could have two parents who want them and will take care of them. You didn't seem to accept it too well—and at that point the door bell rang. You left to answer it, and then I heard a loud voice carrying on. So, worried, I went to the top of the stairs to check. You were just talking to a friend. You both looked up, and your friend said in a low, apologetic voice, "I didn't know you were with a girl, man!" You looked at him with a smile on your lips, but a frown in your eyes like, "What's wrong wit' you!" and replied in a low voice, "That's my sister, man.”

Young one, let this tender budding manhood blossom up into a beautiful flower, into the fulness of God's plan. Don't sell yourself short by accepting this world's values...